Thursday, January 19, 2006

Jonathan the Impaler

I wonder why we don't have many more politicians like the fantastic Jonathan the Impaler.
Honesty is very seldom heard nowadays, especially from a politician. So, I am going to break from political tradition. My name is Jonathon “The Impaler” Sharkey, Ph.D., L.D.D.D. I am a Satanic Dark Priest, Sanguinarian Vampyre and a Hecate Witch. My Magikal Path name is: Lord Ares.
Well if that isn't disturbing enough, look at his political platform that he's going to run, which seems innocent enough at first..
As Governor I will introduce stronger laws to punish those who drive impaired by drugs and/or alcohol. These criminals will do jail time, from their very first offense.
I will introduce extremely harsh punishment for those who not only use illegal drugs, I will fight to make dealers serve life in prison, or better yet, Impalement.

Any Terrorist who is caught in Minnesota while I am Governor, will find out what the true meaning of my nickname 'The Impaler' means. Right in front of our State Capital. Then Fed’s can take the terrorist’s body from the impaling stake.
...which is most certainly taking things to the absolute extreme. To be honest, I have to wonder if how he will do and if our dear Professor Myers can be won over by Jonathans charm and desire to impale various individuals. If he fails to get to governor though, I'm sure he can try and run for the presidency in 2008, probably for the Republican Party due to his tough stance on drugs and his support of public execution by impalation. If he fails there, at least he'll end up with public attention and (I estimate) numerous speaking engagements!

A sad part about this however is that apparently his wife was fired from her school bus driving job for being a 'bad role model'. I'm not sure if the school and bus company can really get away with that, because dismissing someone for their religious beliefs and their fact their husband is probably a little crazy doesn't seem justified.